GULITY TOOL

Yesterday I felt very guilty because a homeless man I pass most days on my commute held his giant FOOD sign right up to my windshield and looked right at me shaking it, and I had no food to give him. He then asked me for money which I also didn't have as I just never seem to carry cash these days. I pulled away from the situation feeling terrible as someone was asking me point blank for help and I was unable to help them.

Today I decided I would try and help by being more pre-pared for the situation.... so I packed him up a lunch.

I made him a cheese and ham sandwich, threw in some of my favorite potato chips, a nice ripe peach, and a swiss roll to sooth the sweet tooth. I thought it was a good lunch, and I was super excited to give it to him.

Today as I near him, I see him collect some money from a car in front of me and it put a huge grin on his face, he actually did like a little dance movement and I thought -  'oh man' - is he going to be excited when he sees what I have for him! it really felt good to be doing something for him.

I roll down the window as he nears and I hold out the plastic bag with the food inside and with a big smile I say - I made this for you!... He refused... I was like - you don't want this food? - to which he shook his head - no - I sit there confused (as the pile of cars behind me start to honk as the light in front of us turns green) so just to clarify I ask - so, You Do NOT want the food in this bag that I am giving you to eat - just in case I was missing something - to which he again replies with a head shake - no -

<<What??>> I thought to myself...

He then makes a drinking motion, so I quickly look in my bag and give him the soda I had randomly grabbed out of the fridge - and drive away.

I was so sad, I didn't understand why someone who states they need food would refuse food?!?!?! ...

I mean - sure there are those out there who use the ploy for drugs, or just want money for booze, or it's totally fake and they make a job out of fooling people they are homeless just to get your money... (yes that happens)...but I would still think EVEN if this was one of those situations someone wouldn't want food.

Lesson Here.... hmmmmm...
I think the lesson is this...

That sometimes as much as we might want something to happen and things to go a certain way - as much as we think we know the way that things should go. There are some things that are actually completely out of our control. And if you are opening up to help or make your self available for something that you have to be open minded and ready for other things to happen differently then how you might think they should happen.

...to explain....

I knew this morning I wanted to try and help this man.
I decide I would make him lunch as yesterday I could see that he wanted food.
I never drink soda - there is the occasional soda - but really never drink it.
For whatever reason right before I left this morning I grabbed this soda out of the fridge.
When I approached him - I expected he wanted food and was disappointed when he didn't want the food. I assumed that I was to play - girl who helps feed man - in this situation.
I wasn't open to any other thought or suggestions for the situation except to give him this sandwich. 
When he gestured for a drink - Immediately I was aggravated and was like - I have food for you - why is that not good enough.

But when looking back and reflecting on it.
He never talked to me, the man just was using signs by shaking his head.
I wonder why he didn't talk to me.
I wonder if why he was just shaking his head and gesturing was because he was SO thirsty and exhausted and couldn't speak - It was freaking 95 degrees by 9 AM today and it was fucking hot outside.

Having that soda - which I normally never have - helped him. Maybe not in the way that I thought I would be helping him today, but none the less I wanted to help him and did, but it was a totally different way then I thought I was supposed to.

I should have been in a more accepting place to acknowledge in that moment that I was actually helping him.

I then gave the packed lunch to another homeless man who I passed and who was very grateful for a meal. In the end, I was able to help a thirsty man and then in turn be able to help a hungry man.

it's about the outlook we have on situations.

I could have cursed him for not taking my sandwich and could have been so frustrated about it just eaten it myself. I could be so mad that I could choose never to feed another homeless man again.

but that would be RIDICULOUS>

looking back on this morning - it's clear that I was a tool being utilized in a bigger grand scheme.


These people out there are in NEED - maybe we don't know exactly what they need but they need our help. Ignoring and shunning them as a problem is not the way to help them.
being open to helping - to be accepting - to act as tools...
I think those are the right steps to take in trying to help and create change in this world.

Be Open.